How to become the happy person you always wanted to be (6 ways practiced over centuries)?

“I work so hard; I just want to succeed” — one of my friends commented in exasperation few months back.

We want to be successful. We want to be happy. We want to be free of worry, free of fear of missing out. Not being jealous of someone achieving more than me. Not run after the next shiny thing.

A centred, content and successful life.

So, I have decided to read up on this topic. From ancient philosophy to modern day version of it. From scientific journals to pop psychology.

I have come up with the following eleven rules. I practiced all of them, and it worked for me. Give it a try:

1. Don’t care (about almost anything)

If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?” — Sydney Harris

Why? We are a social animal. We want acceptance by others. We want to belong to a tribe. This eagerness makes us care about what others think. It makes us dependent on others’ wish.

Not a good ingredient for success.

If you can master this one, you have reached your nirvana. Can’t meet a friend? Late to meet boy/girlfriend at the restaurant? Can’t stay late to help your colleague?

Just don’t care. Don’t get into a guilt trip. The only exception is where it matters.

How? Two steps:
Whenever you catch yourself caring about what others will think, ask yourself, will it matter to you five years from now? If no, don’t care. Almost 99% of things will fall in this category.
If the answer is yes, do care. Your family, your health, etc.. Things that will define your success in the long run.

2. Follow the process:

“Happy people plan actions, they don’t plan results.”- Dennis Waitle

Why? We focus too much on achieving a destination. It may be getting the promotion, marrying the love of our life or some other goals.

The challenge is the goal keeps shifting over time. We end up spending time in constant discontent. We hope to be happy sometime in future when we achieve our destination, and not in the present.

Instead of focusing on the target, if we start focusing on the process, we start enjoying the current moment. We also don’t give a f*ck who else is getting what. We are busy working on our process.

Not looking outside, but inside. It is a virtuous cycle, get it?

How? Whatever you are trying to achieve in life, whether getting a raise or writing the next masterpiece, follow the process. Break the path into small steps. Follow those small steps, one at a time.

If you are in sales, getting a raise will probably require you to over deliver on target. What are the steps to get the sales? Make 20 sales calls each day? Go ahead and do it.

Even if you make one sale from the twenty calls, just follow the steps. Same with getting your love of life or writing the masterpiece.

Build the process and follow it.

3. Throw away stuff

To attain knowledge, add things everyday. To attain wisdom, remove things everyday.” — Laozi

Why? We have a “crutch” bias. Our insecure self constantly like to hold on to something. Gives us a sense of familiarity.

We buy unnecessary stuff and then keep hoarding them. We keep holding on to old emotions, grudges, jealousy, etc..

Don’t hold back. Throw away your old clothes and your old emotions. The more you give up, the more space you have. The more space you have in your mind and in your closet, the more clarity you have in life.

You can go back focusing on the process. It is a great feeling to realise how little you need. It is liberating.

How? Anything that you did not use in the past six months, just throw away. Give it to someone who needs it. No, you will not be using it in future.

No, no one else cares. You don’t need all those old papers.

Go electronic if possible.

And as far as emotions are concerned. Remember, you too will die. As remote as it may seem now, it is inevitable. Your old feelings are just stopping you living the only one chance you have to a good life.

4. Face the fear (be uncomfortable)

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“True success is achieved by stretching oneself, learning to feel comfortable being uncomfortable.” ― Ken Poirot

Why? We live in a bubble. That is our comfort zone. Living in that zone will never allow us to understand how big our life can be.

Unless we do things that make us uncomfortable, we will never know what we can become. Do you want one formula to success? This is the one.

How? Two ways:
Make a target to do one thing each day that makes you uncomfortable. Speak up your mind. Do the thing that makes you nervous. You have the highest willpower within four hours of getting out of bed. Use that time to push the boundaries.
Start small and improve over time. But, keep growing. Push the limits by 1%. Every day. Soon you will be a master.To be able to be uncomfortable is the surest way to succeed.

5. Build a routine

“What lies in our power to do, lies in our power not to do.”- Aristotle

Why? Our habit decides everything. Our happiness, our probability of success. If you want to achieve anything in life, make a habit around it.

The way to build a habit is to practice it regularly.

And without a routine, you can not practice regularly.

How? Have dedicated blocks of time for activities. If you want to develop a habit of reading books every day, set aside a time.

Get yourself to do the reading even if you do not feel like it. If you stick to the blocks longer enough, it will be your second nature.

A habit will be formed.

You want to write a book? Set aside a time every day to do the writing. Our mind can not switch between jobs without compromising quality. Work in batches.

Each block for each batch of work. Writing, Reading, checking email, family time, business meetings. I wrote about the hows in a separate blog. Read here.